My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
