Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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