matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
FUCK WHALES
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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