He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize