you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
