Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
