Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
