6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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