Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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