I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
