You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
