did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You can't motorboat a personality
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
