is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
