Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
