Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
