so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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