i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize