i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
