in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
