You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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