uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
