i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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