it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
did i just pee glitter
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
