He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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