you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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