so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
