By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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