i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
