My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
