I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
