I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Girls should come with a carfax report
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
