I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
