Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize