you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
