Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
