The maid of honor just puked.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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