fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
