Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Even the bartender felt bad for me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
