Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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