dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
