Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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