I didn't shave. On purpose
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
