Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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