it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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