i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
