sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
