I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
