I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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