I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
