I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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