Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
