I must be too annoying 4 u.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
