# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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