Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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