One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
