Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
