i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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