i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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