This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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