I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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