Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
