I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
