Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
